


The Interview

by Dragontrill



Series: Broken [4]
Category: Avengers (Movies), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Bucky isn't legally allowed to give consent, Crack, Fluff, M/M, Protective Natasha Romanov, Tony forgot to tell everyone he was being interviewed, Tony thinks it's all about him, or use automatic weapons, poor steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 07:04:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2100096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragontrill/pseuds/Dragontrill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Tony and Pepper pick a bad location to give an interview, Bucky drinks a protein smoothie, Natasha is badass, and Steve is suffering more than any man alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Interview

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [The Interview](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3152885) by [ogawaryoko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ogawaryoko/pseuds/ogawaryoko)



> Yeah.... this is stupid. And if anyone could draw it, *cough* I'd be grateful

The Interview

_Location: Stark Tower, 98th floor. Tony Stark and Pepper Potts are seated on a couch in front of a glass window that looks out into an atrium that has sweeping stairs leading up to the next floor and hardwood everywhere. The artwork and statuary are exquisite, making a beautiful backdrop for the interview. Pepper Potts is wearing a lovely green pant suit while Tony Stark is in an expensively tailored, albeit rumpled suit. The first few minutes, spent getting everyone seated and microphoned as well as testing the cameras will be deleted later._

 

Interviewer: Good morning, New York. This is Claudette Boovine and I'm here at Stark Tower interviewing Tony Stark and Pepper Potts.

Pepper: We call it Avengers Tower now.

Tony: Yeah. Cheaper than hauling all those letters up from the street again.

Interviewer: Of course. Well, I wanted to thank you for agreeing to sit down and speak with us here at New York Exposed. It means a lot for you to make time out of your busy schedule to answer our questions.

Pepper: Oh, it's no trouble at all.

Tony: Yeah. Right. No trouble. _*mutters something about it only being eleven and therefore too damned early to be up.*_

 

_Behind them, a sandy-haired man slouches past the window, holding a coffee cup in one hand and wearing Disney's Robin Hood pyjamas with pink bunny slippers on his feet. He glances over at the window into the interview room and his eyes widen. A second later, his coffee cup goes flying as he flees back the way he came. Due to soundproofing, he can't be heard._

 

Interviewer: So, Pepper! Tony! Tell us, what is it like to live in a tower with the Avengers? It must be non-stop excitement!

Pepper: Oh, not at all. The Avengers are all real people, after all. When they're not fighting, they're perfectly normal.

 

_A hammer flies down the staircase, turns a corner, and zips away. Someone has tied balloons to its wrist loop and they flail behind it in a burst of multi-coloured chaos._

 

Interviewer: Of course. Still, they must have some interesting stories to tell. 

Tony: Oh, definitely! Just last night, Thor was telling us this story about a vat of enchanted mead, three goats, and a two-headed giant with a really massive-

Pepper: Tony, they don't want to hear that.

Tony: Sure they do!

Pepper: Tony, shut up.

Tony: Oh... you're giving me the look. 

Pepper: I'm not giving you the look.

Tony: You so are giving me the look! I know the look!

Pepper: Okay, fine. I'm giving you 12% of the look.

Tony: Ouch. Uh, next question?

 

_Through the window, a pair of bare feet appear on the stairs, walking down towards the foyer, revealing legs clad in soft grey pyjama pants that sit loose and low on a slender pair of definitely male hips. The owner continues to saunter down the stairs, quickly revealing that he's wearing nothing else except a hair tie that holds back most of his shoulder-length brown hair. The camera zooms in on his muscle definition, lightly dusted with dark hair that trails in a line down the front of his sleep pants. It also focuses on his metal arm, which appears to have been highly decorated with fridge magnets and different coloured sharpies. He's taking long, slow swallows out of a plastic bottle that contains a viscous, white fluid._

 

Interviewer: Oh, um, yes, question... wow... is he going commando?

Tony: Yes, I am. How can you tell?

Pepper: Tony!

Interviewer: Oh, sorry, sorry, distracted by the view for the moment. It's very, yes... very.

 

_The man reaches the bottom of the stairs and tips his head back, throat working as he finishes the last of his protein shake. Done, he lowers his head and slowly licks the remaining white liquid off of his lips._

 

Interviewer: Dear god in heaven...

Pepper: Are you alright?

Tony: It's the thought of me going commando. It affects a lot of women that way.

Interviewer: Dwah...yes! Er, after the terrible battle in DC against HYDRA, it was revealed that Sergeant James Barnes, a decorated World War II hero and Captain Steve Rogers' best friend was found alive and under HYDRA control. He was placed under Captain Rogers' care and no one has seen him since, though speculation is strong that he's currently in this tower. Can you confirm or deny these rumours?

 

_Bucky wanders up to the window, looking with sleepy bemusement at the cameras and the back of Tony's and Pepper's heads. He leans one arm against the glass and exhales, making a foggy patch. His arm is clearly visible. There's a dodgers stadium sticker plastered over the red star on his shoulder. Underneath it, someone's written the following in what looks to almost be a doctor's script._

_Not allowed for any reason:_  
 _Junk Food_  
 _Alcohol_  
 _Automatic Weapons_

_Someone's sketched rather detailed pictures of puppies cavorting around his elbow and 'Hawkeye is a better shot' is scrawled on the back of his hand in black and then crossed out in blue._

_Along the majority of his forearm in lovely red script is written:_

_To Steve:_  
 _Fuck him and I'll kill you._  
 _Love, Natasha_

 

Pepper: Oh, I'm afraid that we can't answer that at all.

Tony: I can. Bucky Barnes isn't here. End of story. Next question.

 

_Bucky draws a dick in the fog on the window._

 

Interviewer: I understand. We'll just have to let the American public speculate and make up their own minds about his current whereabouts. However, I would like to ask how he's doing now, given it's public record that he suffered horribly underneath HYDRA. 

Pepper: How is he doing? Well, he has his good days and he has his bad days. 

Tony: On a good day he doesn't try to put his fist through your head.

Pepper: Maybe you shouldn't have tried to come up behind him and put him in a headlock.

Tony: I was being friendly! And with all the hair, I kind of thought he was you.

Interviewer: Has he said anything about what he plans to do with his life, now that he's free?

_Bucky pushes away from the window, looking over his metal shoulder and beyond the edge of the camera's view, his face lighting up with a truly beautiful smile. Captain America comes into view, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt that are both exceptionally tight. He grimaces when he sees the cameras in the interview room and hurries over to Bucky, saying something hurried to him._

 

Pepper: No, he hasn't. Sergeant Barnes, well, he rarely speaks, at least that I've heard. He's very shy, actually.

 

_Once the Captain is in range, Bucky loops both his arms around his neck and leans up for a kiss. Steve blushes and turns his face away. Bucky goes for his neck instead._

 

Tony: He's good around Capsicle. 

Pepper: Oh, yes, he is. Much less tense.

 

_Bucky is sucking on Captain America's neck. Steve is beet red from his hair line down to his shoulders and trying to get Bucky to let go of him without being too rough. Bucky jumps up instead and wraps his legs around his waist._

 

Interviewer: So there is some improvement. Goodness, it's hot in here...

Tony: Is it? I thought I got all the gerbils out of the air conditioning.

Pepper: Improvement, yes, but Bucky really has trouble expressing what his needs are. It's very sad.

 

_Captain America almost falls over when Bucky rolls his hips against him. He appears to be licking his earlobe. Unbalanced, the Captain whirls around, arms spinning for balance, and something he sees before he essentially runs off camera - Bucky still clinging like an octopus - makes him go from red to white._

_The Black Widow strolls on camera, wearing armour and holding a shotgun by the butt with its barrel resting over her shoulder. She smirks towards the camera and follows the two men._

 

Tony: Don't worry though. The Avengers are always around to look after their own. Next question, and honestly, this one had better be about me or nobody's going to want to watch this.


End file.
